A Yoga Teacher Training (YTT) Update

It looks like my yoga teacher training process may take a little bit longer than I had planned. I am having to miss more of the training weekends than I would like because of badly timed migraines.

I am trying very hard to not be too hard on myself about missing it and take the yogic approach about being good to your body. I tend to beat myself up about doing "less than my best" and falling short of some idea of perfect. But I'm slowly learning that my best right now might be different than my best a week from now and a year ago. And I'm learning that there is definitely no perfect way in yoga.

During a yoga class you'll hear the teacher tell you to do whatever modified version of the pose feels best to you or to not even do the pose at all and just pick a resting pose like child's pose or savasana until you feel like returning to the asanas. I'm not quite sure this approach applies to learning how to teach yoga. Does it? I don't know the answer.

I am learning however that it will take how ever long it takes and that it will work out. Or at least I have to hope. Instead of worry about how or why I am feeling bad with a headache or anxiety about doing my "less than best" I am thinking about what I can do next to help myself, my being feel better.

Yoga is about taking what you need, when you need it, how you need it.

On the Friday and Saturday portions of this weekend's training I just sat and observed the physical yoga practice portions of the day. I knew that if I physically did the practice my headache would get much worse and I'd feel awful. All throughout those classes while I was observing there was an internal battle between the part of me that knew I needed to give myself and my body a break, and the part of my brain that wanted to do everything perfectly. I didn't want the teachers or my peers to think I was a slacker or disrespectful by not participating. I didn't want people to wonder why is she sitting out? She looks capable of doing these more "advanced" poses and yoga flows so i wonder what's wrong with her.

(Maybe eventually I'll write another post about not judging a book by it cover AKA don't judge someones physical capabilities by their physical appearance. Or just don't judge in general maybe?)

I feel like the "old" Abigail would have pushed through and done the physical yoga practice and then ended up with a major migraine and then had to go home and miss even more and then still feel bad about not being good to myself. The old me would have definitely not been okay with sitting it out.

So I feel like that in some way is an accomplishment.